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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23414443">A collection of my garbage</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokixarchangel/pseuds/lokixarchangel'>lokixarchangel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, idk what to tag this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:41:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,753</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23414443</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokixarchangel/pseuds/lokixarchangel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>Before you read, none of these works are good. They're just me posting them somewhere so I can stop feeling guilty about it.</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Gabriel/Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Gabriel/Lucifer (Supernatural), Gabriel/Lucifer/Sam Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Before you read, none of these works are good. They're just me posting them somewhere so I can stop feeling guilty about it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gabriel just wanted to belong. And that was probably what made it hurt the most when he saw Sam and Dean and Cas share glances. It was what made his words run dry. What made him shut up, most times. </p><p>He had never truly belonged, anywhere. Even in heaven. He was quite used to hearing the words “shut up” and “go away.” He knew he was annoying. </p><p>Then, when he left, the little angel still was alone. He spent millenia without a proper home or companionship; the closest being the small puppy he had shared part of his immortality with. </p><p>Now, he had the chance to belong. But, he didn’t, really, did he? He knew he was stupid to think he did. </p><p>But, the archangel was so tired of being alone and unwanted. He had raised Castiel, and he still didn’t want him. </p><p>They tried to make him feel wanted. He knew that. He knew Sam, Cas, and even Dean really did try to make him feel like he was cared for. He appreciated it. But, he just wished they wouldn’t lie. </p><p>He had noticed the sideways glances and the suspicious stares, when he was nice to them. </p><p>He noticed how they act like they’re walking on eggshells, even though the Trickster hadn’t played tricks on them in months. </p><p>He noticed the tiptoeing around, and the longing glances at each other that were never directed towards him, and the cuddling after sex that usually ended with him being “accidentally” shoved out. </p><p>He noticed it all. And he tried to pretend it didn’t hurt. That he was fine. That he couldn’t care less. </p><p>It should have been easy. He was the Trickster, after all. He had spent years pretending to be someone else. </p><p>But it was just so difficult, this time. He wanted to receive the same affection they granted each other. Wanted to enjoy the lingering touches. The quiet whispers of adoration. But, he just never got those. </p><p>And it was okay. He could handle it. He could handle being, basically, the toy. He knew he was useful, being a bottom, for two tops and a switch. Dean being the switch. </p><p>He knew that was the only reason he was wanted.</p><p>And he could handle that. </p><p>At least, that’s what he tried to tell himself. </p><p> </p><p>So, he left when the sex was over and the three just wanted to cuddle each other. </p><p>He made up some bullshit excuse that never required much convincing to get them to nod when they went on hunts, always making sure to stay nearby in case they were hurt. </p><p>He faked a smile and nodded when they asked if it was alright to speak alone with each other. </p><p>He could pretend. It was his whole career, after all. Pretending? </p><p>Again, he really was only convincing himself. </p><p>But, he knew the Winchesters didn’t care, enough, to really question it. And, he knew Cas was too oblivious to notice anyway. </p><p>So, he didn’t have to be that good at it, anyway. </p><p>Which hurt more than anything else. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The things We Lose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam is a lawyer, struggling to come to terms with his missing lover, Gabriel. He reminisces over their time, together.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the first chapter of a fic I wanted to write last year but since I have two wips already. This is definitely one I can see myself updating in the future. But it'd be a while.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Sam had met him in the summer of 2003. He was still in University at the time, studying law. The day he met him, he’d been studying all day for finals when he finally decided to take a break and head to a cafe that promised hot fresh coffee all day. Sounded too good to be true, but Sam decided to take a chance. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The cafe was run by a business major that Sam didn’t personally know, but had heard a lot about. Mischievous, with a talent for making even the saddest person laugh, and apparently with impressive baking skills. Gabriel Shurley was certainly well known around campus, as students and teachers alike just adored his little cafe. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Surprisingly, the walk to his cafe wasn’t a long one. Barely a few blocks away, in fact. Sam could smell the fresh baked goods from even outside as he arrived at the cafe. “The Sweet Tooth”, as it was called, was not an extravagant place. In fact, it only had around six or seven tables. However, it did have five couches around the outer edge of the interior, with coffee tables. The couches didn’t match, however this only added to the cozy, home-like ambience, as well as add a colorful effect. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The owner of said cafe was currently bent behind the counter, setting cupcakes and cookies in the display. The cafe only had a few students in it, who were undoubtedly taking a break from studying as well, so it wasn’t full. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A bell rang as Sam entered and looked around. The cafe smelled like french vanilla coffee and spiced sugar. The walls were painted a lovely antique white, with a nice white accenting cornicing. Sam had to just stop and admire the interior designing in it. He’d never admit to it, but he’d always enjoyed interior design. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just, the thought of putting together a bunch of pieces to make an area look put together just had an appeal he couldn’t describe. It probably sounded stupid. It did to him, anyway.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good evening! What can I get for ya?” Gabriel smiled and stood, finally. Or had it only been a moment? Sam felt lost in time as he looked at Gabriel, taking in the other man’s features. His lips were thin, but didn’t disappear as he smiled. Longer curly hair went to about an inch from his shoulders and his eyes…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sam was worried he’d melt into eyes that could only be described as honey on a warm summer day.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>An air conditioner clicking on and starting to buzz was what drew Sam out of his daze and a red shade spread across his cheeks. “Oh, um…” He went closer to the counter, managing to look away from Gabriel to the handwritten menu on a whiteboard. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The handwriting was what could only be described as a neat scrawl. Messy but not unreadable. “I heard somewhere that you promise hot coffee all day?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gabriel chuckled, features settling into a pleasant expression. “From open to close. Fresh during finals week. I figure everyone might need it.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sam relaxed. “Thank god. I definitely could use some.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Light or dark roast?” Gabriel asked, grabbing a cup and looking up at him, expectantly. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sam paused. “Uh…” He never really worried about the roast. Kinda just ordered what sounded good. He must have paused for too long because Gabriel was chuckling again. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll get you a mix. Here, how about I get you a cup and you see if you like it?” He smiled. Or smirked. Sam couldn’t tell, distracted by his eyes, again. He just couldn’t get over them. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That sounds awesome.” He answered, after a small moment, nodding and relaxing. “Sorry, I don’t know much about coffee.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, that’s why I’m here,” Gabriel flirted, flirted?? Sam’s heart skipped a beat. “Get settled in at a seat and I’ll bring it to you.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There were some stools at the counter, also mix-matched, and Sam simply sat in one of those, ignoring that his legs were too long for the bar. “Have you been busy, lately?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hmm? Oh, not really. Not any busier than normal. Maybe even less busy. Just handing out coffees all day. Not that hard. Just a matter of pouring and handing. Simple enough.” Gabriel looked over at him and smiled. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sam blushed, again, and nodded. “Still… Must be exhausting to have to do that all day.” He felt so lame.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gabriel finally brought over the coffee and their fingers brushed as Sam took it from him. He got out money to pay but Gabriel waved it away. “Nah, on the house. And as for your statement, it can be a little tiring. But hell, it pays, and it’s nice to get to help out.” He continued to place things in the display until he had no more. Then he disappeared into the kitchen. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sam almost pouted as Gabriel left. He’d wanted to keep talking. But, instead, he simply sipped his coffee and listened to the sounds of Gabriel no doubtedly baking something delicious back there. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It felt like ages and eventually, Sam ran out of coffee. Right as he got up to leave, Gabriel suddenly reappeared. “Hey, y’aren’t leaving without at least giving me your number, right?” He pouted. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sam felt shocked. So Gabriel had been flirting! “Oh, uh, sure.” He chuckled and went back over. “I guess I thought you might give me yours.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gabriel grinned and Sam decided he might never live to see another thing half as beautiful as that smile. “Well, then let’s just give each other our numbers and call it a day. Here.” Gabriel wrote down the number on an empty receipt while Sam got out a notepad and pen. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>When both were done, Sam pocketed the number and gave a half-wave goodbye, before walking out the door, feeling both warm and excited to talk to the man, again. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Things change, though, and now, Sam feels alone. He sits at a seat on the train and reads over a case file, sipping stale coffee that tasted nowhere near as good as the coffee at that little cafe on campus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s on his way home from a big trial that he’d won, unsurprisingly. Fifth in a row. But that wasn’t the case he was looking over. A missing persons case. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thirteen years have passed since that encounter. Sam couldn’t stop remembering it. He wonders if it would be easier to stop remembering it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the train stops, Sam gets off and walks towards his neighborhood. He watches a couple hold each other as they walk home, snow drifting down. He remembers his own first date with Gabriel, as it had been snowing, as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mind, instead, drifts to that memory as he opens the door and steps inside the house, chuckling as a small dog was right at his heels, tail wagging. “Hey bud… Miss me today?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He crouches to refill his food bowl and then walks over to the couch, sitting on it with a heavy sigh. Their thirteenth anniversary would have been that month. Sam had had it planned to propose on their tenth. He’d had the ring and everything. He still had the ring. Set on Gabriel’s dresser, right by a picture of them. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If enough people comment, it might be enough to motivate me to write and post a second chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Last Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gabriel walks in on Lucifer with his secretary and ends up miscarrying.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is another first chapter. I might also update this one in the future as well. I actually like this one. (It's ABO, by the way. Bonus.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Gabriel felt good. Really good. He stepped in the front door and set the shopping bags on the counter. Victoria’s secret. Lace felt nice on freshly smooth skin. He’d been preened and primped. Ready to try to patch his failing marriage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel was a 35 year old omega but he was told he still looked twenty four. A mature 24 year old. He knew he was still beautiful, though not quite as blond as when he was in his early twenties. No, now his hair was a dark auburn. But still beautiful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hummed and relooked through the bags before heading to take them upstairs. He and his mate, Lucifer, had been arguing a lot, lately. Gabriel felt bad, since they were mostly his fault, but that didn’t stop the fighting. So, he was trying an old fashioned method to try to rekindle the love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled, a little ditzily, if he’d admit it, as he imagined everything he had planned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dinner when Lucifer came home. On the couch. Pasta con broccoli, a moscato sangria, and a cheesecake he’d picked up on the way home. He’d have to remember to put that in the fridge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, a little cuddling on the couch with Polar Express, it was Christmas, and a favorite in their home. He crouched to pet Snickers, their puppy, frowning as the dog was growling at the door to their bedroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, baby… What’s wrong?” Gabriel murmured to the dog and stopped as he heard a creak. His heart started to pound with fear. Someone was in the house. Lucifer was supposed to be at work. So, it should only be him…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard another creak. He snuck down to the kitchen and came back up with a knife, having realised the noise came from the bedroom. He crept to the door and slowly and quietly twisted the door knob, pushing the door open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately, the smell of sex hit his nose. He felt nauseous. He’d been feeling sick, lately. But sometimes, he got like that. So, he’d never stopped to worry. Plus, he didn’t have the time to worry in between arguing. He felt like he was gonna be sick, again. Sweaty alpha and sticky sweet omega… He gagged on it before seeing the source of the smell. The next sensation was sound as he heard the clinking as the knife hit the hardwood floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d always hated vacuuming. So, the year before, he’d had hardwood installed in every room and the hallways. It was a beautiful rich chestnut, too. He’d poured over catalogs to find exactly what he wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hours of searching. Days of installation. Weeks of waiting for it </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just to be scratched by a knife as he took in the sight of his alpha, knot deep in an omega that he recognized. His secretary. Gabriel had had suspicions but he didn’t want to add gasoline to an already growing fire, so he’d let it go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sob escaped him and suddenly, they jerked apart. He turned and left the room, hearing footsteps. He broke into a run. He couldn’t breathe, he felt like. Snickers was hot on his heels and Gabriel collapsed once he hit the bottom step, crumpling like a piece of paper, crushed by weight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t!” He screamed and pulled himself up, feeling heavy. So heavy. He’d been putting on some weight from stress. He ate when he was stressed out and the constant fighting was causing more stress than he could handle. So, he’d packed on a little weight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t! You! Dare!” He was vaguely aware his hand was still gripping his bags and he threw them at Lucifer. Lucifer’s eyes widened as they hit him and he crouched down, picking up one of the pairs of panties. “Three hours! I spent three hours getting waxed and lotioned and smoothed and plucked! It hurt! But I wanted to be gorgeous but you were fucking this whore! The entire time!” He screamed, somehow louder and sobbed again. “How long?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer seemed to have lost his tongue, something that rarely happened. He always had some snark. Some wit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long?! HOW LONG?! HOW LONG?!” He threw himself at his mate, punching at his chest and sobbing as Lucifer put his arms around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop, little mate, stop!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How fucking dare you!” Gabriel jerked away. He shoved Lucifer down. “How long?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three weeks!” Lucifer seemed to burst, looking pissed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel felt like he’d been shot in the chest. Three weeks… Three… Weeks… That didn’t seem like that long but Gabriel had expected that to be the only time. Three weeks. “Three weeks? B-But…” His voice got smaller than he wanted. He stumbled backwards, feeling very dizzy very quickly. “B-But I preened… I just wanted… I just wanted a perfect night… Filled with love and passion… But… But… Three weeks??” He pressed his palms to his temples. “That… That’s too long…” He sunk to the floor again. He winced at pain in his stomach. They’d had sex nearly a month before… Had it been so bad that Lucifer had just… went and cheated?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cried out as the pain intensified. It felt like something was trying to get out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately, Lucifer was over, scooping him up into his arms and holding him. “I’m gonna call an ambulance, babe. Okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel nodded, whimpering as he felt more pain. “It hurts… Please make it stop hurting…” He sobbed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer set him on the counter and frowned, looking at something. Gabriel looked down and saw blood between his legs and started to panic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vaguely, he remembered the secretary was there and she crept down the stairs. Gabriel watched her out of the corner of his eye and heard the door shut. Good. Good bye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hyperventilated as he looked at the blood. “Lucifer! Make it stop!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying! Calm down!” Lucifer yelled and told the operator what was happening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel held his head and sobbed, laying back and closing his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he woke up, he was in a hospital bed. A doctor was looking over him. He smiled, having probably seen Gabriel was awake. “Hello, Gabriel. How are you feeling?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel winced at a headache. “Not good… My head hurts…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor nodded and turned off the lights except for a dim one. “Better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel nodded and relaxed. “Much… What happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor frowned. “There is no easy way to tell you this… You… You miscarried…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel jerked up again. “No, no. That’s impossible… I’m not pregnant.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were, unfortunately. A month pregnant.” The doctor frowned. “You didn’t know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I haven’t seen my doctor in a bit… I was having some troubles at home and never got a chance… Where’s Lucifer?” He looked around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is in the cafeteria. I suggested you may need food when you wake up. I will be your doctor while you stay here… My name is Dr. Sam Winchester. But… You can just call me Sam.” The doctor smiled and sat by the bed. “Is it alright if I ask you a few questions?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel hesitated before nodding. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to answer any… My head is fuzzy…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s work through what you can, then.” He smiled again and pat his clipboard. “When was the last time you had sex?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel had to think, but he remembered and smiled a bit. “A month ago…” He remembered it. Lucifer had surprised him with rose petals and champagne. It’d been beautiful... </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That lines up, right.” Sam nodded and smiled. “Have you recently been put under any stress of any kind?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel once again had to sleep. “Me and my… husband have been fighting a lot, I guess…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you go over the events of yesterday, for me? I want to see if you had a trigger…” Sam asked, writing something down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel frowned but nodded. “I woke up… Then I went to get breakfast after taking a shower… Then, I went to the mall to buy some things… Then to the spa for a bit of… primping and polishing…” Gabriel turned red, though he didn’t know why. “Then I came home to cook, for the night…” Then, he remembered the rest of the day’s events. His heart broke in half again and a sob fell out of his mouth before he could stop himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I… I walked in… in on…” He sobbed again. “My husband he was… was with his secretary…” He knew it was vague and might barely make sense, but from the look on Sam’s face, he got it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh… I’m sorry…” He frowned. “I… That must have been horrible…” He reached over and offered a hand. Gabriel sniffled and tried to calm as he accepted it. “Do you want me to keep him from coming in, again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel hesitated before shaking his head. “No… I wanna… I wanna see him…”   He closed his eyes. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sequel (Kinda?) to Belong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gabriel drops off the grid and comes back to some pissed off Winchesters.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was during my TFL phase. I'm gonna have to go back into my old Tumblr and find my old stuff.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Gabriel was barely sure how to react when he was pinned to the wall and kissed breathless by one very pissed off oldest Winchester. Okay, he knew he should have given some notice before leaving. But, he hadn’t expected even Dean to be worried. He had just disappeared to France for a couple days, feeling stress pile on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No notice! You could have been dead! You dropped off the radar completely!” Dean growled when he pulled away, scowling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> Gabriel gave a sheepish half grin. “W-well… Y-You see… I dropped off… Because I-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you didn’t want to be found,” Sam cut in and crossed his arms, scowling. “We figured.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something could have happened to you and we wouldn’t have known, Gabe.” Cas sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re still used to being alone, but people do worry about you, here.” Dean huffed, backing up a bit. He crossed his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel looked down and toed at the ground, feeling guilty. “I-... I’m sorry… I didn’t think about it…” He replied, all soft and quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All three immediately softened. “We were just worried, Gabe. You can’t just go off like that. We need some sort of notice, ahead of time.” Sam murmured, stepping forward. “You’re family. We care about you, too.” He put his hand under Gabe’s chin and slowly tilted his head up to look at him. “Okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” He nodded and bit his lip. “I’ll try to let you know, ahead of time…” He took in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry.... Really sorry… I didn’t know it would scare you guys like this…” He peered around Sam at Dean and Cas, biting his lip for a moment. “I’m sorry…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s… it’s not fine. And, you shouldn’t do it. But, we do forgive you.” Cas smiled at Gabriel, nodding. Dean and Sam both nodded in agreement. “And, I understand you get stressed, sometimes. But, that’s why we’re here, Gabe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel looked surprised, unsure how Cas knew that’s why he left. “You tend to project, brother.” Cas explained, chuckling, softly. “This morning, it was bad enough Sam and Dean could almost hear it. It’s how I got them to keep from racing after you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to drag your ass home.” Dean commented, scowling again. “Cas wouldn’t let me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever the voice of reason.” Gabriel cracked a smile, before moving away from Sam and moving to sit on a couch, away from the three. He just needed a small bit of space for a moment. He stayed quiet, curling up on the couch and closing his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He repeated, after a moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to keep apologizing, you dork.” Dean sighed. Everyone looked at Dean, surprised. “What?? Hey, I can be soft, too.” He pouted and stuck his tongue out. “I’m not always an asshole.” He rolled his eyes before going over to Gabe and sitting beside him, smiling when he cuddled up to him. “We know you understand what you did. You don’t have to apologize, any more. We’ve already forgiven you. Kay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel looked at Dean, seeing sincerity. He nodded a bit. “Kay…” He smiled again and laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. Soon Cas and Sam joined them. Cas was right by Gabriel, an arm around him as well. And, Sam was on the floor, head back in Gabriel’s lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he didn’t have to leave, anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel entered the motel room he knew the Winchesters were staying at in a good mood. He had just been to Greece for a couple days, watching recreations of old plays. He had a soft spot for the classics. He expected the boys to be pissed off. He knew they hated when he left without telling them. He just needed a break. He still felt like an outsider to this little thing they had, and he knew that sometimes, he needed to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, he hadn’t been prepared to be slammed against the wall and kissed breathless for a good five minutes. It took a moment for Gabriel to figure out who it was, even more confused when he realised it was Dean. Usually the other two were the ones to initiate contact with Gabriel. The other two being Sam and Cas. Dean was still warming up to Gabriel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel hadn’t been able to help melting and whining into the kiss. It was habit, to him. When Dean finally pulled away, he was breathless, and clearly pissed off at Gabe. “No note! No text! You just left! You could have been dead and how the hell would we know?!” Dean growled, still pinning Gabe by his shoulders. “We wouldn’t have! Goddamnit, we were worried!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel was speechless. He could only blink, just sort of staring at Dean for a moment. After a bit, he managed to stammer out, “I'm, I’m sor-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You dropped off the radar completely!” He heard a different voice. He’d been so distracted by Dean that he had barely noticed Sam’s presence. Vaguely, he felt Cas as well. “Cas couldn’t even find you, this time. We were scared you’d been taken, Gabe!” Sam’s voice was sharp and he was also clearly pissed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m, I’m sorry…” He tried again, furrowing his brows. “I… I dropped off… Because, well, because…” He struggled to find any other explanation than the real one. He hadn’t wanted to be found. Not really. Though, he hadn’t thought they would actually look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you didn’t want to be found.” Dean finished, finally letting Gabriel go and backing up, crossing his arms. “We figured out the reason.” He bitchfaced at Gabriel, standing by Sam. Both brothers wore a similar expression of anger caused by worry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel felt his face heat up a bit and he shifted from foot to foot, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Finally, Cas spoke up. “We weren’t sure what had happened. We knew you could handle yourself, but that didn’t stop us from worrying. Gabe, where even were you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Greece. They were doing a recreation of how Oedipus would have looked, and I wanted to see it. It’s not very good, by the way. Nothing like the original.” His face burned more and he looked down, sheepish. “I-... I’m really sorry… I don’t mean to worry you guys… I just… I thought you guys could use a little break from me…” He stayed soft and quiet. “I know I haven’t exactly been the best to be around.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam was the first to soften. “Why would we need a break? And, you’re fine to be around, Gabe.” He stepped forwards, towards Gabe, and reached out to cup his face, making him look at him. “You’re a part of our family, now. Or, whatever fucked up thing this is. We care about you. Okay?” He offered a warm smile to Gabriel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel hesitated before nodding and weakly smiling back. “Okay, Samshine…” He pulled away from him, though, and went to the couch, needing some space. He curled up, his knees pulled up to his chest. He wasn’t sure what else to say. So he didn’t say anything, and closed his eyes. He still felt guilty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was surprised, after a moment, by a weight settling, into the couch and sighing. “You’re going to be the death of us, you know that?” Dean murmured as he wrapped an arm around him and kissed his hair. “At least we know how Cas feels when we go off on hunts without telling him, the mother hen.” Gabriel heard ruffling of feathers and he laughed softly, uncurling and letting Dean pull him closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas soon settled in next to Gabe, smiling a bit as well. “I don’t think you’ll be the death of us. That seems extr-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s an expression, Cas,” Dean huffed, glaring at him over Gabe’s head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam joined them, sitting on the floor. “Stop bickering, you two.” Gabriel laughed again and ran a hand through Sam’s hair when he laid his head back in his lap. He relaxed as he listened to Dean and Cas bicker about the proper expressions to use and when, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to leave this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he wouldn’t have to. A happy smile tugged at the corners of his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel refused to let anyone see the contents of his closet unless he chose something specific to wear from it. And, the boys never even dreamed of seeing his “panty” box. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Living In The Past Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is an alternative of Chapter 3. Gabriel goes to a Bar and meets an alpha named Matt.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the version of Chapter 3 that I had posted for a week but I just... didn't like it. Gabriel, in my head, didn't like it. I knew I wanted to give Gabriel a supporting character but I just couldn't figure out who. So, I settled on this Matt character. I actually originally was gonna have Gabriel meet him in the second Chapter at the bridal store. He was gonna talk to Gabriel and they were gonna hit it off. But, again, it just didn't sit right. Then, I was gonna have Gabriel meet him in five, I think, at the grocery store. But I just deleted the scene because again, I just didn't like it. He might show up in Trapped In The Present, but for now, he's just a character I couldn't find a use for. And yeah, he was supposed to turn out to be super bad.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Gabriel hadn’t left his apartment in four days. But, finally, he was going out. He was determined that he was going to drink and get drunk, and finally just forget for a moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked in the mirror and adjusted his shirt. He had told nobody about his decision, and had his phone turned off, going MIA. He sighed a bit, changing his shirt for the fiftieth time and finally just leaving, petting Snickers’ head. Snickers yipped and licked his hand before Gabriel walked out, not taking his car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked, trying to keep himself from panicking, due to nerves. He hadn’t been this nervous since… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped himself, shaking it off. Not tonight. Tonight, he was forgetting, not remembering. He took a breath and blocked the memories, stopping outside the bar when he finally got there. He took another breath and walked in, heading straight for the bar and ordering a fruity sweet drink. </span>
</p><p><span>The bartender was quick and Gabriel sipped the drink, relaxing at the burst of warmth in his throat and chest. “Thank you.” He mumbled, remembering his manners, and looking down. </span><span><br/></span> <span>“Holy shit… I think I know you…” He heard a mumble, and glanced over, realising they were talking to him. </span></p><p>
  <span>He snorted. “I doubt it. I rarely leave my house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. You were on the news! You were one of the-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave him alone, man. Why are you bugging him about it?” Gabriel was confused as another man approached, shooing the other guy away. “Sorry about him. People can be jerks. Are you okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel wasn’t sure how to answer, blinking. “I… think so. And, he was just making an observation. I’m used to it, by now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man, who smelled like Alpha, frowned and sat down. “Oh. I know you already have a drink, but can I buy you a refill when you’re done with that one?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to. I can afford my refills. Thank you, though.” He looked down at his drink before taking another sip of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really. I insist.” He murmured, telling the bartender the next refill was on him. “So… What brings you here?” He smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel looked at the man, surprised that he was still talking to him. “Well… um… No reason, really… Just wanted to get out of my apartment, for a bit.” He shrugged. He looked down at his drink, realising how stupid the reason seemed, now. “What’s your name?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matt.” The alpha smiled and took a sip of his own drink. “You’re beautiful, you know that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel’s head whipped up before he turned a deep shade of red, mumbling a thank you and quickly putting his head back down. He couldn’t remember if he’d ever been called beautiful. And, it made him smile shyly. “You really think that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. You’re possibly the most beautiful omega I’ve seen in a long time.” Matt chuckled, softly, seeming genuine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel drained the rest of his drink, quickly passed another. “Well, thank you Matt. You’re pretty handsome, yourself.” A long forgotten smile crossed across Gabriel’s lips. Why was that compliment causing him to react like this? More importantly, why was he feeling so warm inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. What’s yours?” Matt smiled softly back, tilting his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took Gabriel a moment to figure out what he meant before shrugging. “Gabriel. But, my friends-” Friends? Did he even have those? The closest he had was Sam, but… Sam was Sam. “Family,” he corrected, “call me Gabe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s very nice to meet you, Gabe.” Matt smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel smiled brightly, back, confused as to why it was so easy. Maybe it was the alcohol. “It’s nice to meet you, too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, it stayed easy to smile like that for the rest of the night. Gabriel didn’t end up getting drunk like he had planned, but he did end up going home with Matt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a blur for Gabriel. But, Gabriel knew he definitely consented. Especially with the way Matt was kissing his neck, while he straddled him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stayed quiet, not wanting his own words to fuck this up. He was also grateful for the experience he had been forcefully given for that night. HE was also grateful that Matt didn’t seem to mind the scars, especially with the way he was running his lips over them and murmuring sweet, but mostly incoherent things about them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel leaned his head back, fingers tangled in Matt’s hair, as Matt licked and nipped at his nipples. When did his shirt get taken off? He didn’t remember or care. Absentmindedly, he rolled his hips, slowly, before gasping as they were flipped around and his jeans slowly slid off of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled shyly up at Matt, who promptly kissed the breath out of him as he reached down to palm Gabriel, smirking a bit at the sounds it drew from the Omega. “Like I said, beautiful.” He murmured, pulling away and cupping his face, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel’s skin flushed and his brain was having trouble figuring out how to respond, especially with Matt’s hand over his crotch. He moaned softly and leaned his head back, rolling his hips up into Matt’s hand, revelling in the euphoria from non-violent sexual touches. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the morning, Gabriel woke up and blinked, looking around. Matt was still asleep, and he was smart enough to know how a hook up worked. So, he carefully got up and pulled on his clothes, jumping when he heard Matt’s voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re leaving?” Matt softly asked, frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… Well, I thought this was just a hookup? I’m not really good for much else, actually…” He looked down, sighing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s bullshit.” Matt snorted and sat up. “You were amazing to talk to, last night. And, I believe you’re good for other things. And, I’ll be damned if I let the opportunity to be with such a fascinating individual slide out of my grasp. Come here.” He held out his arms, smiling softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel looked surprised but slowly went over to Matt, climbing onto the bed and into his arms. “Really?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have had you come back over here if I didn’t think so. Stay awhile. I know you probably aren’t comfortable with dating yet. But, can we at least hang out every so often? I’ll make you food when we do.” He smiled softly, kissing the side of his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel couldn’t help the soft giggle that left him as the small gesture just felt so warm and nice. “Quickest way to my heart. Okay. That sounds nice.” He nodded a bit and relaxed in his embrace, closing his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. I shall make breakfast for us in a moment. Then, we can watch a movie while we eat it. Sound good?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds very good.” He nodded, curling up in Matt’s arms, and just enjoying the warm touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he’d be okay. Of course, the world hadn’t exactly let that happen before.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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